“Never get Freudian with a man holding a pickle.”
It’s been a busy and surprising, crime-filled spring season here in the great northwestern outback of the state. And with all the rain, opportunities for serious gossip at Little League games has been severely limited. So for those of you out of the loop and still crouching in your dark closets hiding from the Rapture (and/or tornadoes), here is an update on all the fun you may have missed. You might want to stay in there a bit longer.
Registered Sex Offender Had Child Porn — Channel 12 News — Michael Aballo of Putnam Pike, a registered sex offender convicted of child molestation in ’93, was discovered to be in possession of child porn during a routine probation visit. — 5/4/11
RI Substitute Teacher Facing Child Porn Charge — http://www.Boston.com — Justin Menoche, a substitute teacher for the Coventry and Burrillville schools who lives with his parents in Pascoag, was arrested after posing as a sixteen year-old on Facebook. A subsequent search of his home found child porn on his PC. — 5/21/11
Glocester Police Arrest Burglary Suspect — The Valley Breeze — Residents thought it odd a man would be riding a girl’s bike up Route 102 at 4 a.m. Rest in peace, Benny Hill, rest in peace. It’s a shame no one thought to record the ensuing foot chase for YouTube. — 5/11/11
Foster Police: Driver in Crash 13 — The Providence Journal — A thirteen year-old girl and her two friends, ages twelve and thirteen, went joy riding, wrecked the family car and downed a utility pole on Plainwoods Road. Thankfully, no one was hurt. The underage girl’s identity would have remained secret, of course, had it not been for the Facebook pictures and updates she posted right after the crash. She asked her several hundred Facebook followers not to tell her mom… “she would get mad.” OK…Shhhhh. We won’t tell a soul. BFF. — 4/15/11
Underage Drinking Pinches Political Family — ABC 6 News — Over 25 people were arrested (many underage and mostly from Connecticut) at a wild drinking party at a Foster motel owned by Gordon and Heidi Rogers — both well-known in state and local political circles. Who says Foster has no industry! And I guess that proves Foster really is Australian for Beer. — 4/28/11
RI Authorities Arrest 24 in Mob Crackdown — The Providence Journal — In one of the state police’s semi-annual organized crime sweeps, which have become almost routine in recent years, it was shocking to learn that one of those discovered floundering in the well-worn butterfly net was none other than local businessman, former Town Sergeant, and Juvenile Hearing Board Chair Kevin Kitson who was collared for bookmaking. Kevin has been a generous and devoted volunteer to not just one, but to nearly all town charities and organizations for years, so the news hit bemused locals rather hard. Personally, I like to think there was some terrible mistake made. So until the final plea and outcome is adjudicated, and Kevin is given his day in court, I will withhold my own opinion. But withhold the sarcasm? Don’t bet on it. — 5/9/11
Police: RI Firefighter Arrested at Party — Boston Herald — A Providence firefighter (who is also a Glocester resident) went to a party on Snake Hill Road, yelled obscenities, and refused to leave. Police later discovered drugs in her possession. The question here is why was this news? I’m sure there aren’t any political motives for the ProJo to report and send it out on the wire to news organizations all over New England, are there? If getting thrown out of party in Glocester is suddenly important news, well then, we can all look forward to plenty of excitement all summer long. — 5/30/11
Along the Village Green 
Okay, ride around on ATV’s in between wretched behavior. Aren’t you still hanging those pedophiles? Why the fuck not?
So, when are you going to be a smart-ass, write some great satire, anything to give us a chuckle? I’ve read ahead about a dozen pieces and I’m still jamming sharp sticks into my eyeballs., .
Good day, Mr. Fuller. Nice to see your Alzheimer’s ward got WiFi. I almost didn’t recognize your post as it wasn’t sticky with hashish residue, written in orange crayon or smell faintly of Kung Pao chicken and obsolescence. But I guess times change. (I read where even NASA has parked the Space Shuttle and abandoned the search for any new cosmic debris.) And who is this “us” you refer to? Didn’t those therapists get you beyond the schizo thing in the Nineties? No matter… my apologies to your eyeballs — all eight of them. I sincerely hope my posts do get better. In the mean time, I suggest your turn those pointy sticks around, dip them in some low-sodium soy sauce (you old folks need to watch your blood pressure) and write your own damn blog. It has been too long. Peace, love and Xanax.
Wow, I stand chastised. Chagrined even. Talk about Alzheimer’s – I never ate Kung pao chicken in my life, four eyes. Funny you mention therapists; my treatment became obsolete after I back-scuttled her on her crazy couch. It was like, when she, ahem, warmed up to me, abandon all hope ye who enter here for your sex addiction treatment. Oh well, what’s a satyr to do? You know, Porter, my BP was 110/64 when last check about 3 weeks ago, when I went in to get my Xanax script refilled. No, moron, the bus has left the terminal. I was not on Xanax when my BP was taken. Just four cups of caffeine and two 20 ounce bottles of Pepsi. Probably helps that I run 40 to 50 miles a day. I’m running as I write this on my updated iPad. I have the new iMaxiPad – voice recognition. Even knows when a sentence is over – automatically adds periods.
Well, gotta run.
Fuller